Monday, March 30, 2009

The Economy Rehab Letter

Dear Economy,

What the hell? What are you doing with your life. You sure have been a real disappointment to us lately. You have been on a destructive path for so long we forgot what you used to be like. We know it is not all your fault, people have taken advantage of you, and that was wrong. Remember when those lender groups had been abusing you and you didn’t know what to do. Finally you had the courage to tell us and we bailed you out of a bad situation. We thought everything was finally over. We had no idea the automotive groups were doing the same thing. I can’t believe we overlooked it for so long, I mean really an H3, how could they think they would get away with that. I suppose it was only a matter of time until they got caught, but the damage had already been done. We miss you so much and just want you to get better. We are really trying to take better care of you and want to stop being so reckless. I guess it is easy to blame all the big corporations and mark them as bad guys but we haven’t made this any easier. All the credit debt we have put you through, all those jobs we outsourced, we sure have let you down. I know it seems like a tease with the chatter of a stimulus package a second time around to get things going. It won’t be like last time, we really have put some thought into this and it’s possible things will work out this time. I know the new head of the household has already faltered on a few issues but he is trying, hopefully he will be able to take care of you better then the last one. If not we are really going to be in trouble. So please, get better, we really miss you around here. We didn’t mean to shout earlier, you have hurt us as much as we have hurt you and we think we could all work this out together. So chin up, we will get through this and be better for it.



The Subway Guy

You hear a lot of things about how poorly the employees in Wal-mart stores are paid and how they have no benefits, pretty much working at Wal-mart demeans you as a person because they do such a piss poor job of treating their employees like people. I assume if your working at the Subway located in the Wal-mart store life is a bit worse. I went in today to get a sandwich from Subway located within My Super Wal-mart mega store and had quite the eventful day. Upon being greeted by my sandwich artist I picked up on the fact this guy had the smile of a 15th century British prostitute. Literally these teeth were going in angles beyond comprehension. This was his redeeming quality to what ensued.

I tell him my order, “Foot long ham on white with pepper jack cheese”, simple enough. He was cleaning up the area with some chemicals and washed his hands after being reminded by another co-worker then through the plastic gloves on. He stared blankly at me for a moment and inquired the type of bread I wanted. “White bread, please”, I reminded him. He shook his head pulled the baguette out. “What kind of meat did you want “ he asked. I told him ham and he started on the sandwich. A few seconds later he asked me if I asked for cheese, apparently my initial order did not make it through.

Once the hard part was over he asked about toasting it and I asked for it to be microwaved. He was stunned, the manager was standing next to him and he informed her of our predicament. “He wants it microwaved” said the man who had suffered a curb job. “Then stick it in the microwave “ said the manager. He responded by simply saying “oh”. At this point he starts to move his cleaning supplies around, the counter scrub and some chemicals. The manager yells at him and tells him to wash his hands again now that he is shellacked with bleach and he is handling my food. After a roll of the eyes our boy here washes up. He apologizes to me for what I assume is the fact he was three minutes out from poisoning. Then he adds in “they get on me bout everything here, glad I’m bout done with this place.

This guy was not sorry for the fact he was about to add some windex and bleach to my sandwich but rather his boss had made this a slow fuck in the world of sandwich making for making him wash up. He tried to liven up the rest of the ordeal by speaking in different accents looking for a laugh but amateur night at the Apollo was closed. Finally I paid and got the hell out of there. I guess this raises the question is there even inbreeding in Indiana or did this guy have to move here. Secondly, when this guy got hired on to work at Subway, did the supervisor sleep soundly that night or realize it’s only a matter of time before health violations close this mother down. I understand there are positions to fill out there and everyone needs a job, with the un-employment rate at what it is, there had to be a candidate better then this guy. I just want to meet the other guy they had it narrowed down to.