Wednesday, June 2, 2010

The Best Waste of My Time

It’s about 10:00 P.M. on a Tuesday, after watching anther rousing episode of Glee (darn tootin’) I find myself playing around a bit on the internet. I have my regular habits like most people do, certain sites I go to, updating my facebook, and checking my e-mail. Fortunately I don’t smoke pot and I won’t spend an hour watching You Tube video’s of things being microwaved. Actually, I am still going to do that for a while.

My precious moments I casually waste have me thinking though, the wonder of the internet is vast and probably the greatest invention of are time next to the Sham Wow, it will really dry the shit out of anything. Just think about e-mail, it is quite literally putting the postal service out of business, a government funded organization has profits drying up like Joan Rivers skin. It would be going down the tubes if it wasn’t regulated by the government, but when do they bail out an industry just because it can’t keep up with the times, oh yeah….

Anywho, the wonders of e-mail alone have revolutionized the modern work world if not personal communication as a whole. Instant responses within minutes instead of days, messaging someone in the office three doors over instead of walking over and taking the extra time for personal conversations. It is quite the time saver, sending attachments rather then photos or printed 40 page documents. It’s a wonder we ever were able to get anything done beforehand. For the magic of internet it does seem to come at a cost. The demand of instant gratification has always been something we as Americans have had to battle and now it seems the only way we live.

When we want to know who was in a movie, we IMDB, haven’t spoken to your baby mama in several months, write a special message on her wall or give her a poke (the facebook kind, that’s what got you here in the first place), I have not bought a CD in years thanks to iTunes and other download sources. No one goes to check at the neighborhood Blockbuster to see who was in a film let alone to rent a movie. If Netflix wasn’t going to put video stores in the hole alone, it befriended Redbox who is slipping these former giants enough Rufilin to make sure they never wake up.

The problem is we bitch so much about immigrants taking jobs and shipping the rest of our jobs overseas we kind of forget about everyone in the worlds employee of the month, not the assistant manager at McDonalds, but the World Wide Web. It does the task’s of millions; filing data, sending information, advertising, networking, entertainment (youthful and adult), and anything else you can possibly think of. In almost any industry the net has something in comparison that does it a little bit faster and probably cheaper.

I am definitely not calling for the destruction of the internet but maybe we should consider using a bit less. Write a letter to a friend, buy something in a store, and for the sake of it all quit watching so much porn. Seriously, stop it, it’s creepy. I get the irony that I am posting this on my blog and it will automatically attach to my facebook account, but those are just the breaks I suppose. I had just had that on my mind for a bit and wanted to get it out there. Also on a somewhat related note, spell-check has turned me into a retard.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

A Tiger in the Bathroom

It has been quite some time since I have made a blog post, and Aaron “Jake” Lyons commented how truly witty I am so I thought I’d throw something together. I haven’t found to much to talk about lately only because I try not to make my post so much about myself but reflect my opinion on what is happening in the world. Considering the fact I can only bag on Obama so many times before I sound like Rush, there hasn’t been to much in the news. But the kind folks at Sea World left me with a little something to go on here. So here is my take on becoming best friends with something that is ahead of you on the food chain.

Now that I have moved back to my hometown I find I have a bit more free time on my hands and am usually looking for something to do. Until my lease is up in Broadripple I am just staying here during the week and heading home weekends but once I settle down here with my own place I’d like to get a dog again. That’s right a dog, not a grizzly bear or a stabbing murder cat (they are real, look them up) but just a simple dog. The reason I would like this basic pet is they are fun, loyal, and probably will not try to kill me. Yeah that’s right Siegfried, I’m looking at you.

Thanks to organizations like PETA we are in a world where we believe that wild animals have feelings and bond with us. Disney movies about talking lions and hyenas make us think that these animals connect with us. With that said I have had two dogs in my life and I have loved both of them. They were wonderful pets and I miss both of them immensely, I never cried more in my life then when Jags died and losing Jedi was heartbreaking, but if I died and there was no food around, they would eat me. I am not an animal hater by any means. I think pets are great, I consider each dog I have owned to be very different and have a type great personality, mostly they have been loyal to a fault. That doesn’t mean I should try and raise a cobra.

The Sea World trainer that was pulled in by her whale and drowned was tragic, and I feel sorry for her family and friends, but come on, Tilikum the killer whale had already “murdered” two other trainers, this bastard is more of a serial killer whale and they still plan on keeping him in the shows. That’s like going to Jeffrey Dahmers house for dinner. A lot of activist feel that releasing Tilikum would be cruel, because he would not survive in the wild and would more then likely die within the year which is sad… but he’s such a dick. If he were some type of crime fighting whale who lived a double life as a billionaire playboy who sometimes got carried away in his quest for vengeance I would understand, but he keeps killing trainers at Sea World. If you have a pit bull that keeps eating kids, you Old Yeller his ass, same thing with the whale. Maybe at least fly him back to the moon. (If you don’t catch that, watch the Free Wilziyak episode of South Park)

So please, ass-holes at extreme animal rights group, please notate that human life usually outweighs that of an animal, unless it is a Koala Bear (they are so adorable!). Because honestly you could be at a rally for Great White Sharks demanding their safety and if you looked enough like a seal, they would eat you along with your picket sign. I am guessing it is a underwater event so that works in my mind. Let’s just do what we need to do and get some lamp oil and caviar spoons made. (All products we can make from Tilikum and friends!)